The dynamic in a relationship shifts continually. I’m currently experiencing resistance and frustration in my romantic partnership. The lockdown has landed many couples in an otherwise healthy relationship in a deeper place of energetic ballet.
So far this last couple weeks I’ve alternated between mellow highs and irritating lows. I’m sitting here today writing this post off the back of a skirmish with Charlie Ma that has left us both feeling like we’re floundering. A clash of cultures, beliefs and expectations that are simply more than can be ignored.
The longer we’ve lived together under lockdown, the more our unconscious patterns are putting in an appearance. Day to day it seems we take turns to be the moody, irritable one, alternating with cheery, optimism in sporadic waves. Inevitably at some point the lower energy forces a confrontation.
I wrote about limbic resonance a few weeks back. This is mirroring in action, however, when a moody partner swings in a negative spiral, the outcome is one of conflict. If a partner is triggered in someway by the days events, the likelihood of an argument of some kind is increased.
This is the gift of lockdown. To supercharge our emotional intelligence, steer us towards the heavy lifting needed to coexist peacefully and to strengthen our resolve to cooperate. Without sufficient effort and compromise, the relationship will break down. So we endeavour to know ourselves better, support the other in the low points and commit to radical honesty in the way we communicate.
Interpersonal relating is compounded by the collective experience. Even when we sit with our partners to explore our differences and work towards a resolution, there is the possibility that outside influences come into play.
The whole world is experiencing a high level of covid-induced fear. In that backdrop, I can see why these immediate situations are arising for us. It helps to understand the context of the external environment and our internal triggers.
So, as I write this I’m feeling compassion for myself, for Charlie and for anyone that is struggling in their relationships during these challenging times. Here’s to heavy lifting. It’ll make us stronger in the long run.