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Orwellian doublespeak

How would you feel if, instead of a half baked letter that tried to place responsibility for the spread of corona virus on you the public, Prime Minister, Boris Johnson gave this speech:

‘OK, listen up, citizens. The future of the world looks very different from that which you enjoy today. Things have got to change. For your own safety you’re all getting a universal vaccine which has a microchip in it. That way we can know everything about you, every moment of the day, and that way, we can keep you safe. From nasty viruses like corona. We need to be a bit more like China, you know?!

For the digital vaccine and the microchips to work we need to establish a massive network of telecommunications. Its not been tested yet, so we don’t know what will happen when we switch it on but we do know that each time a new frequency has been used a virus of some kind has appeared. Like it did with radar and Spanish flu or 4G and swine flu. This new network is called 5G and will help us to establish the Internet of Things. It’ll be worth it, trust us. We’ve put a well known computer scientist in charge of global health policy – Bill Gates will get to play God.

We’re also introducing a universal basic income. As technology and big business renders ever more employment unnecessary we felt that the best thing would be to make sure everyone has enough currency to buy what they need. The new currency will be digital. But, you better behave or we’ll stop the payments. You will be good boys and girls, won’t you?

By the way, we’re dishing out loads of cash to our already super-rich friends because they’ve had an awful time of it recently, what with you all stuck at home not making money for them.

Good news is we’ll spread the cost so that for the lump sum we hand over today, you’ll pay it off over a few years, maybe a decade or two. Plus, for those of you that have lost your business or been laid off work, we’ll give you a whopping 80% of your wages to stay at home – I know, I know, you’re welcome.

We’re not going to bother having a democratic process about any of this, we’re just going right ahead because we’re following the best science, technology and medical information there is. Welcome to your new life in the future.

p.s. I’ve fully recovered from my bout of covid-19 and thanks so much to the migrant nurses of the NHS that saved my life. I really wish we had funded the institution properly for the last decade and that we didn’t have to #getbrexitdone but hey-ho, you the people have voted for it, so, what to do?!’